Moving Forward

This image says: "Without wonder and insight, acting is just a trade. With it, it becomes creation." Moving forward into my last semester of college, I'm really going to have to hold on to these words, not just for She Loves Me and for my classes and what I do there, but also going into auditions and any kind of professional setting. I find myself turning toward classic actors for advice, and I think, just maybe, there could be good things in my future. I certainly hope so, at least.

Accomplishment

There are few things in life that are more satisfying than accomplishing something you've worked on for a long time, or getting something that you worked really hard to get. I'd say this week was one of those weeks that was hellish in scope, but when participating in was actually rather fun.
I finished National Novel Writing Month last night, and I can't even believe how relieved I am that I crossed the 50,000 word mark just 15 minutes before midnight. As a reward, my writing friends and I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog and sang along. It was a wonderful way to wind down the evening after a huge 5,000 word sprint to the finish line.
I also am feeling so blessed to be part of the She Loves Me cast. I think our cast and creative team are so incredible, and the show is going to be not only a lot of fun, but so rewarding. I'm looking most forward to learning from my cast members and interacting with them on stage, and I feel that now I'm at a place where I can really do that.
Anyway, thank God this week is over. On to finals with practically nothing but this final to do!

Ensemble and Atmosphere

It's been one of those weeks.

For some reason, this last week before break (finally!), everything is falling apart and I just want school to be OVER. I'm also starting to think the senioritis is starting to kick in hard. It's a struggle to complete pretty much anything right now, even things I want to do like update this blog and write for NaNoWriMo and get final projects finished... It's like my brain has just shut off and is on auto-pilot until Saturday. I'm not afraid to admit that. It's just the truth.

Be that as it may, I've seen a lot of really great performances in recent weeks. I continue to be mightily impressed by our production of Lysistrata here at Auburn. All my friends do such an incredible job up there, making bold choices, following through with them, making their audiences laugh night after night. Everyone's been really shining in rep class recently, as well, which is always lovely to see. It's so inspiring to be around people that make you want to do what they do, want to go into the practice room and just sing something, anything, to create. I really feel like our department is growing in such positive ways, and it almost makes me sad to leave at the end of the year. (Almost.)

I'm really proud of our student body in the theatre. I think we've all gotten to this place where we work as a well oiled machine. The freshman are wonderfully talented and have claimed their space in the mechanism with pride, the sophomores and juniors continue to do fantastic work to grow, and the seniors... well, we're the seniors xD I do like to believe we've set a pretty good tone for the year, though. I realized immediately upon coming to college that the seniors dictated pretty much everything in the way of atmosphere, and I hope that we've created a welcoming, enjoyable one for the year. I know I strive to do just that every day, to say Hi to someone I don't know very well or don't see very often. I just know that I was miserable freshman year, and I don't want our freshman this year to feel that way. And if that is the one thing I leave behind here, I would be more than okay with that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the idea of ensemble and atmosphere have become really prevalent themes in my life recently, and I understand and appreciate them both now more than ever. I'm grateful to have a wonderful ensemble and atmosphere in my life at the moment. I hope everyone else feels the same way.

2 school days until Thanksgiving, California and DISNEYLAND.

Having a plan... Or so you think

I took a week off last week to focus on Guarding Gold Street, but now I'm back to this blog with guns a-blazin'! This time with a topic that us seniors know all too well: what we're going to do when we graduate. I suppose that is, in fact, the entire point of this Senior Capstone class, is getting us to figure out exactly what we want our next step in life to be, since this is one of the great transitions of our lives. And I think it's fantastic that we all have so many options open to us. But it recently just hit me how overwhelming it can be to have too many possibilities.

Take for instance my personal situation. During the school year, I'll do as many auditions as possible, such as Disney and cruise ship auditions, I'll be going to SETC in the spring, and I'll be sending off my head shot and resume to as many casting directors as I possibly can in the coming months, especially to those in the areas that I'm looking at relocating to. Then, if nothing comes of any of those auditions, I have the choice to either move to LA and live with my parents for a while to find a job and save money (which is never a bad idea, and since I get along so well with my parents it would probably not be as horrible of a situation for me as others would consider it), or move to Washington DC to stay with my aunt and essentially do the same thing there. DC would be my number one choice of any of these routes, but then the obvious questions of money and moving come up.

Which begs the question: are any of these routes even viable?

When you have so many potential routes, it's nearly impossible to tell which one is actually right for you. Or if there's anything else waiting in the wings to make itself noticeable when the time is most opportune. I think we're all stuck right now in this awkward, limbo phase of waiting for audition season, waiting for news of anything, waiting to find out what our next step is. And instead of finding solace in all these potential roads, I'm just finding myself more and more overwhelmed by the fact that any one of these paths could be the right one for me, but I just can't know that right now. I suppose a lot of it is wanting to control my destiny, as cheesy as it sounds, but in many ways, that's exactly what is going on. This is just another constant reminder that we are not always in control of our lives. We have to learn to let go and live in the moment sometimes. This is something I think I'll always struggle with, but it's nice to know that life forces you to learn these lessons, whether you're ready to hear them and learn from them or not. Life doesn't wait for you to be ready. And that's both frightening and liberating.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm excited for the future. I'm excited to see where life takes me after I graduate. I just want to know what that future is. But I guess it's the waiting period that is more rewarding than the actual plan-making. It's in the waiting that you have all the fun =]

How Madeleine Had a Rude Awakening

Okay, it wasn't so much rude as it was utterly bewildering.

In BFA lately we've been over at the RTVF studio learning Acting for the Camera. And let me just tell you:

Acting for the camera is completely different.

You always hear the cliche lines that film acting is much subtler, smaller, more natural and that stage acting is bigger, theatrical and while still natural in that it retains the sense of truth in what you say, it's not necessarily how we would say it in every day life. And walking in to these 5 weeks with John and Bruce, we knew all that. We've heard that a lot. But hearing something in theory and understanding it, and then getting up and doing it literally and understanding it are two totally different things entirely.

We filmed some scenes from "Good Will Hunting" today, just for practice, to get a feel for framing and how rehearsing for scenes work and scoring for a film scene and all that jazz. They didn't expect us to memorize it since they literally handed it to us at the beginning of class. It was expected to be rough. And it was. I think we handled all the changes a little bit better than we thought we would, but that does not negate the fact that before we shot, we felt, collectively, totally lost. Everything, even down to the SCORING of a film scene is different, which was not something that we inherently could have picked up on. The way beats are marked out and the way the scene is constructed in that it has a "value" set on it at the beginning, and somewhere in that scene the value has to change to be the opposite at the end. So if a scene starts out positive in tone (usually with the protagonist), the scene has to end negative. And somewhere in that scene, there has to be a turning point where it is clear to said protagonist that things have changed for them.

This is not the way we think in theatre. We mark out beats, we play objectives, we may even have the "value" thing in common, but the structure of the scene, the way lines are delivered, the whole "bubble" concept that has to include the audience in stage, but must never include the camera in film, everything else is different.

I suppose this is all redundant. Like, "Come on, Madeleine, why didn't you know this before? Why is this such a big revelation to you? You just admitted you'd heard all that stuff before." Which I had. But like I said, doing it and hearing about it are totally different. I guess today was the first true day where those differences were made utterly clear to me.

The BAMF-iest Actresses to Ever BAMF

Can we just talk for a second about how awesome some of the incredible older actresses that we see in everything are? Maggie Smith, Julie Andrews, Angela Lansbury, Carol Burnett... These women are my heroes, and let me tell you why.

Have you seen Downton Abbey? That show is enough proof of Maggie Smith's incredible English snark and comedic timing, not to mention her performances in Harry Potter, A Room With A View, and Hook, but the real clincher about this woman is her strength. She was around 73 years old when she filmed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and do you wanna know what that woman was going through while filming? Breast cancer. Her second bout of it. Not only that, but her chemo gave her shingles, which caused all of her hair to fall out so she had to wear a wig. And that woman is so strong and resilient, SHE SHOWED UP TO WORK DESPITE THE PAIN. She also happened to kick cancer's ass after that. For the second time. One word to describe that kind of unwavering dedication to her craft: BAMF.

Julie Andrews just turned 77 on Monday. 77 YEARS OLD. And think about everything she's done in those incredible 77 years: Maria von Trapp, Millie Dillmount, Guenevere, Eliza Doolittle, MARY FREAKING POPPINS, Queen Clarisse Renaldi, Victoria Grant... Basically the woman who defined our childhood just turned 77. If that's not a sign of being a BAMF, I don't know what is.

Angela Lansbury. This woman is crazy for many reasons, but let's just focus on the fact that she's practically old as dirt and is still kicking and taking acting roles like she's half her age. She's so spry after her 87 year life span that it's hard to believe she's as old as she is. Seriously, Mrs. Potts can't be 87. The awesome lady that originated Mrs. Lovett and Mame is totally not allowed to be that old. I've basically decided that she's never going to die. She'll live to be 200. And don't you tell me she can't, because if anyone can, it's the BAMF that is Angela freaking Lansbury.

Carol Burnett is the funniest woman to walk this planet. Fact. Don't try to argue. This is a fact that just is. I mean, if you listen to the OBC of Once Upon A Mattress, you'll be enlightened to this bit of knowledge yourself. Seriously, any woman who gets her own show because of her sketch comedy GENIUS and plays Jane Lynch's mother has GOT to be golden. Hard to believe this BAMF comedienne is 79.

Anyway, just thought I'd give a shout-out to the women who have been inspiring me lately. Now, how do I incorporate these women into Guarding Gold Street...

Getting Through and Learning Lessons

There are just days in your life when you feel completely overwhelmed by things you didn't even realize were weighing on your conscience. Sometimes they're a few really big things, or a ton of small things - sometimes it's a combination - but all it takes is one tiny trigger to set you off, something that you may even be completely over even as you get upset by it, and all the walls you didn't know you'd built come crashing down.

Today was one such day.

This may be sharing too much information, or it may only worry whoever reads this (if anyone does), but let me assure you now that I am totally fine. Sometimes you just need to let off a little (or a lot of) steam and let the whole thing blow over. I have done just that, but for about two hours today, I was a mess. And through these two hours, I learned a couple important things about life.

1. It's always important to know who you trust. In my time of need, I was able to turn to people that I knew would only be able to help me, to talk things through and to point out things about myself and my life that I hadn't even noticed. It is so easy to take for granted the people that really care about you, to just forget that they're there and that you could learn something from them. Don't let yourself do that. Embrace what they do for you. And thank them profusely.

2. Never, ever stop taking care of yourself. Being in college or having a full time job is not an excuse to not eat relatively well or to sleep enough. Everyone lets things like that fall by the wayside when things get extremely busy, myself included, it's too hard not to sometimes. But there comes a time when a giant warning sign pops up telling you that you're pushing yourself too hard, and days like today are that big slap in the face you need to wake you up.

3. Have a mental escape. Whatever it is that's eating you up inside, whatever worry or care you have that something won't turn out right or what have you, let it all go. Set aside a time for you to do something mindless or distracting. I'm lucky that I have rehearsal to go to every night, where I'm able to be someone else entirely for about 3-4 hours, but not everyone has that. Build these things into your schedule if you have to. Even if you feel like you don't have the time to spare, do it anyway. Just don't sacrifice sleep for it, okay?

I dearly love all the people in my life, and I dearly love my life. I just have to remind myself occasionally that things aren't always as bad as they seem, and that I will, in the end, turn out all right.

Don't you forget that, too.